Painful, Jumbled Thoughts

Nothing bright and shiny,
No happy endings,
My cure is failing me,
'I'm fine' becomes an annoying rumor,
No one to talk to,
My thoughts too harsh and jumbled,
For even me to understand,
My disgusting vices coming back to me,
Hating myself more every day,
Wishing there was a way to escape me,
I was once in love with love, and life,
I'm now a cynic and a hateful, angry being,
My experiences weakened me,
To become this pathetic sole I now am,
Fading away into nothing would be too easy,
This void I have is more painful,
Then the emotions that I have destroyed,
Ashamed of the things I've become,
I'm all the things they said I would be,
Despite my lousy attempts at life,
Slowly giving up on everything,
On the dream that they can accept who I really am,
Someday the pain will be gone,
Whether my existence will last to see it...