Wishing...

So I love Criminal Minds, and there is an actor on the show, Matthew Gray Gubler, who plays Dr. Spencer Reid. I love him. He's a fantastic actor to begin with, and from all the things I've read about him and the interviews & videos I'm seen of him, he seems like an amazing person. Very down to earth, very sweet, charming, shy, etc. I freaking love him. So I'm on his website, literally his, not one that his people put up and maintain for him, but he does everything on it. The blog, him. The pictures & paintings he puts up, him. The notes on the website to the viewers, him. Everything! And on his blog there is a post from almost a yr ago:

"girlfriend wanted"
Posted in Uncategorized on February 8, 2010 by gublernation
"must love decorating for holidays
mischief
kissing in cars
and wind chimes

no specific height
weight
hair color
or political affiliation required
but would prefer a warm spirited non racist

cynics
critics
pessimists
and “stick in the muds” need not reply

voluptuous figures a plus

any similarity in look, mind set, or fashion sense to
mary poppins
claire huxtable
snow white
or elvira wholeheartedly welcomed

i am dubious of actresses, fellons, and lesbians
but dont want to rule them out entirely

must be tolerant of whistling
tickle torture
james taylor
and sleeping late

i have a slight limp
eerily soft hands
and a preternatural love of autumn

I once misinterpreted being called a coal-eyed dandy as a compliment when it was intended as an insult

I wiggle my feet in my sleep
am scared of the dark
and think the Muppets Christmas Carol is one of the greatest films of all time

all i want is
butterfly kisses in the morning
peanut butter sandwiches shaped like a heart
and to make you smile until it hurts."

I freaking love him. If I could just meet him, I swear he would love me too. I want a man like this, and it makes me sad that I am not the kind of person that can just go out and find him. Seriously though, how cute is that? ahhh to be in love with someone who you will almost certainly never meet. lol. Well, who knows... maybe I will be successful with this insane career called acting and meet him and he'll just deal with the fact that I am an actress and fall in love with me too. May-freakin-be.

That's all. I'm just a little lonely, a little sad, and wanting a little of the above in my life. It made my heart completely melt. But I know that first I have to concentrate on my career; I need to create my career, start it, make it happen! Then, I'll find my sweet, charming, shy, lovable man. Someday. :)

Big Hurdle in Audition Land...

So I've been on plenty of auditions in the past couple years. I've gotten to a point where although I'm always nervous, I'm not over the top nervous anymore. I know what I'm doing... generally... especially now that I've been taking classes with Cynthia... and I'm much more comfortable with the entire experience. Well I had an audition today that I have been FREAKING OUT about since Friday. (side note: the c key isn't working right so every word w/ the letter c in it has been written at least 3 times so far. arg). I needed a comedic monologue... I've had 1 monologue audition before and it was TERRIBLE! I didn't know what I was doing and it showed. So I've basically stayed away from those auditions since then... which is kind of ridiculous on my part, but oh well. So Cynthia helped me find a monologue and worked with me on preparing it. I was STILL horribly nervous, couldn't sleep, stomach hurt, couldn't concentrate... all those wonderful things. I get there and can't find the door to get into the building... the door I find says 'please use other door', but there is no other door... ahh! so I walk through the building instead, no clue where I'm at or going. I go back out to the street from the other side that I came in at and see more signs... follow those around and find the door! Of course when I got there, the lights were all off and there was yet another note... the auditions had been moved. WHAT?! Great... now I'm really going to get lost, not be on time and look bad to the director... shit! So I start walking toward the street the sign tells me to go to... all of the sudden I hear my name... "Rehana?" YES! I'M REHANA! THAT'S ME! Who said my name? Across the street I see a man that I can only assume is the man holding the auditions since he knew my name and I had never seen him before in my life. It was, thankfully, him. I ran across the street, shook his hand and walked on it. Met the director as well, both wonderfully nice people. The first guy, John, is the manager of the theater I think. Very nice guy, made me feel really comfortable and all of the sudden all of the nervous pains and ticks I had built over the past 4 days were gone! I filled out the sheet, gave him my resume & headshot, and read over the sides. We talked for a few minutes, told them a little bit about myself, did my monologue (and did it quite well if I may say) and then read the sides with John for the director. "That was good", John said when we were finished. "That was REALLY good" the director notes. THANK YOU! That was all I needed. They'll contact people in the next couple days about callbacks, which would be AWESOME to get to... (this is a hysterical play and it would be so much fun to be part of it)... but I'm not worried about it. I'm proud of myself for finding this audition, knowing basically nothing about it, getting a time slot anyway even though I was kind of scared to go for it, getting a monologue, and going and doing it. I am no longer afraid of monologue auditions... thank goodness. It was so much fun and I am really happy that I did it. I was scared, anxious, worrying non-stop about it, and it was all well worth it. Although, I do think I need to work on not freaking out quite so much about little things. Like Cynthia tells us in class... We're not saving babies here.... :)

Updates...

So there's a feature being filmed in the Twin Cities this month, The Convincer. Good deal. I have been chosen to be the stand-in for one of the supporting actors, which is pretty damn cool. It's not a part, but its something, its paid, and I think it'll be a lot of fun. I just found out today that I'm doing this and they want me to start tomorrow and be there through next week. Tom was okay with me not being at work because of this, after all everyone else will be there and I have the vacation time, so it's not really that big of a deal. But Emmett was very unhappy. He called me once I emailed him to inform him that I wouldn't be there and he wanted to know why I hadn't called him to talk to him about it. Well... because that's weird to me. I don't call Emmett, or Tom or Katie outside of work, for anything other than emergency type stuff and so the thought never actually occurred to me. I had talked to Tom, so I figured that was good enough. Apparently I was wrong. So anyway, I'm doing this and Emmett's not happy about it but I'm still doing it... okay... Well, Matthew Feeny just called me and said that the days might be all mixed up now and so I might be needed more of next week than initially anticipated. I really can't take next Thursday off and I have therapy and my training session at the gym on Friday until 2 so that kind of takes up half of that day. I'm so torn and I feel guilty about both things and its driving me nuts. On the one hand I really don't want work to be mad at me and freak out about this, but on the other hand this is what I want to do, it's what I love doing and its why I bought the extra vacation time that I did for the year. Ugh! I'm actually sick of thinking about it and making myself feel bad, so i'm done now. Friends With Money is on... I'm going to watch that and practice my guitar and distract myself. :)

The Last Blog of the Yr...

So I'm in Hinckley w/ Mom, the Kid and Brian. We're watching the ABC special w/ Ryan Seacrest, Dick Clark and all the awesome performers. JLo is on right now, she's great. Always liked her. Good times. I've got a few resolutions for this year... Get ready for LA, which consists of losing weight, saving money and building my resume as much as I can. Start living in positivity, think good things about my life and life around me. Treat myself better, and allow myself to be who I truly am around everyone... anyone... and I suppose to really find out who I truly am, that would help too. lol. And to Love Myself. I've got a training session on the 8th at my gym, I have a photoshoot for new headshots and higher end fashion model shots on the 16th, and on February 16th I have my showcase. I have some really good things starting me out for this next year that I'm very excited about. I'm starting this year at a lower weight than I've been since I graduated. I've got a long way to go, but I've got a year to get there. And really, I think I've got some seriously great goals for the year. I know that I can get to where I need to go if I focus and work my ass off and I'm willing to do that. I need to put myself and my goals, dreams, aspirations first and I'm going to do just that! I also want to make blogging a habit again. I need to create a rehanapower.com and I'll be blogging on it so I need to get into it now to keep it up then. lol. Well, 6 minutes left of this year... this, decade! It was a good year, and a fucking amazing decade. I had some of the best moments of my life this decade. And this next decade is going to be 100x better, I know it. I'm going to have the hardest times of my life this next decade, but when I get through those moments, I'll be stronger and ready for the best moments of my life, and they'll be waiting for me... I know they will.

I hope it was a great year and decade for you, the way it was for me. Enjoy this next year and decade and I'll see you on the other side. :) xoxo

My First Film Role...

So I filmed my scene for my first movie today. It was wonderful. Lots of fun. I truly enjoyed the experience. On Friday I have to go back to record the songs for the film as well, that's right, I'm going to be the one singing the songs for the film. CRAZY! I really hope they don't hear me and say, wow... so you suck, and it sounded like a goat just died. Lol. Either way, I'm excited. I also have another audition tomorrow that will be fun, and a photo shoot next Saturday for some new headshots and random shots. I'm excited. I know that I've just barely gotten in the door and I'm in a gigantic room with so many people that peeing your pants is the only option because there's no way to find the bathroom let alone actually get there, but I'm pretty damn excited to be in the room and peeing myself. Not gonna lie. I have SUCH a long way to go, and so many hurdles to jump, and a lot of weight to loose so I can jump them, (lol), but I'm excited for it all. I know now that I can do it, and although it's going to be very difficult, it'll be well worth it once I get to where I'm going. Plus, I'm sure the way there won't be all bad. :)

Christmas Shopping

So i got up at 5 this morning and got to Walmart by 530. Found a parking spot right away, which i thought was pretty awesome, and even parallel parked into it with no problem. *that generally doesn't happen*. So i get in there and automatically my jaw dropped at the amount of people not only in there, but at the lines. Apparently when i saw all the cars outside i didn't calculate that to the amount of people that would be inside. my bad. so i'm weaving in and out of people, which proved to be very difficult, but i did it. i got to the electronics as they had movies for $2 and up. heck yes!!! I got Elizabeth every Harry Potter movie so far. Hope she likes it. :s Got my mom Ghost Rider, *because for some crazy odd reason she liked it regardless of how terrible Nicholas Cage is at acting*, the Sex in the City movie, so i can get mine back, haha, she loves it that much. I also got Reign Over Me for her, because it's an amazing movie and i just know that she'll love it if she hasn't seen it already. I had the 20th Anniversary of Shark Week for Brian already so I wasn't really looking for him but I found a few things anyway. He's been bugging me about getting 300 for awhile, he really really wants it, and i found it for $13, so i said okay, he gets it. I also found Get Smart, which he really really wanted to see in theaters. *We went to the drive in and it was the last movie playing. He fell asleep during the first two movies and wanted me to wake him up for that movie and i kept trying but he would have nothing to do with waking up, so he missed it.* it was hilarious, so i know he'll love it. I was going to get a few other things, but my check was significantly less than i had thought it was going to be, so i couldn't. but later when i have money again, someday, if there are any left of a few things, and they aren't terribly overpriced again, i might get them. Either way, i'll have more for them than i did last year. Which makes me feel a little better. Brian and I are going to Menards when he gets off work to find a fire place & mantel for his mom for christmas. So that will be nice. I'm excited. I really want to give everyone these things today, but obviously, can't. Oh well. I'm happy that I have something for them all this year. Even if they are all movies, it's what i do. :)


Side Note... I realize that the punctuation in this blog is absolutely terrible, and it goes back and forth a lot. I'm okay with it. :)

Painful, Jumbled Thoughts

Nothing bright and shiny,
No happy endings,
My cure is failing me,
'I'm fine' becomes an annoying rumor,
No one to talk to,
My thoughts too harsh and jumbled,
For even me to understand,
My disgusting vices coming back to me,
Hating myself more every day,
Wishing there was a way to escape me,
I was once in love with love, and life,
I'm now a cynic and a hateful, angry being,
My experiences weakened me,
To become this pathetic sole I now am,
Fading away into nothing would be too easy,
This void I have is more painful,
Then the emotions that I have destroyed,
Ashamed of the things I've become,
I'm all the things they said I would be,
Despite my lousy attempts at life,
Slowly giving up on everything,
On the dream that they can accept who I really am,
Someday the pain will be gone,
Whether my existence will last to see it...

My Interesting 5 Day Weekend

So I took Monday and Tuesday off of work this week which extended my weekend into 5 days, (which was wonderful) :) Friday I went to Bell & Lee's (the twin's parents) and had movie night. We've been having movie nights since before I had my license, I love going over there and hanging out with them. They're awesome. Plus now that they have the twins I get to spend time with them too, those are two of the most adorable girls I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. They're amazing. Anyway. So instead of watching a movie Bell decided that I really need to see this show Dexter. It sounded kind of lame to me, but I figured if I really didn't like it she said we could watch a movie instead. Sounds good. I can sit through one episode. OMG! I am obsessed with that show now! We stayed up until 7 in the morning watching the entire first season! I have the second season coming on Netflix and the third is saved on Netflix because it's not actually out yet. I love it. I recommend it to anyone who can stand to see blood in a show, (he's a blood specialist police officer, oh and he's gorgeous). Anyway, so we did that. After the show I was wayyyy too wired to just go to sleep so I figured I'd drive to Hinckley (about an hour away from their place) and then sleep for a bit as my mom and sister shouldn't be up for a few hours. Wrong. I get home... Mom just woke up. Bulf. Fine, so I slept for an hour after she got up and then the day really started. The Kid's (my sister) friend Amber came over and we all went to North Branch to go shopping. I did get a few cute things, not gonna lie. *side bar, I also bought two pair of beautiful high heel shoes, one of which is technically a boot, on friday* So we get back to Hinckley and it's time to go to mom's new house to start unpacking the things that are there. Now this is a very little house, and she had a lot of crap. So it was difficult just manuvering ourselves around the boxes let alone actually unpacking them. But we did it. We probably got half of what was in there unpacked... YEY! Back to the old place to pack what was still there. Haha. I was so tired mom told me to go to sleep for another hour and then come help. So I did. She woke me up an hour and a half later and I didn't know what day it was, what time it was, where I was or who she was. I was 100% crazy shit out of it. It was interesting. Anyway we got to bed around 1am or so. In that time I also managed to finish my first scarf! I love it, I'm proud of it, even though it's a little funny looking. Yey! So Sunday Bell, Lee, the girls, Amber and her mom all came over to help us move. That gave us two trucks, a trailer and a van. We still had to make more than one trip. Lol. And again, the new house was terribly full of stuff. Monday morning I woke up @ 430 for the wonderful experience of being in the commercial for the Grand Casino *which I get paid for :)* and it was pretty exciting. I was terrified. I'm not very social, and I definitely come off that way, so it took about half the day before I actually started talking to anyone. But once I did it was great, everyone was incredibly nice and I learned a lot from the main talent *actors* as they've been in the business for anywhere from 10-30 years. So they knew a little more than me. :) Tuesday was the same, it was so much fun. Again, terrified. But fun. And, they gave us free fruit and peanut m&m's, my two favorite things. yey! :) Anyway. I got home last night, went to Doug & Katie's place with Brian for a little bit, and then back home. Now I am off to start my first day in a 10 day spree of work days. It was a pretty great weekend overall. :)

My New Found Hobbies...

So I've taken up crocheting. Yey! I feel like an old lady saying it, but i really like doing it. I feel like i'm accomplishing something. I don't really know what i'm making right now, but it doesn't look deformed which is impressive by my standards. I used to read like crazy when I was younger, but haven't lately. I've probably read 3 books in the past 3 years. Well i'm starting with that now too. Just finished two books and I have another coming in the mail. :) In addition to reading, I've decided to start writing. This is really exciting because I've wanted to write since I was little. I always thought it would be wonderful to write a book, screenplay, whatever. I have so many little ideas in my head that I could put together, or even just a mildly fictionalized version of my childhood. I just don't know where to start, but i'm craving the project right now... that's for sure. I cleaned the apartment on the downtime from the above mentioned things, work and traveling (only around MN & WI). I decided to finally synch some great workout songs to the IPOD my dad gave me when I was out there so hopefully I make workingout a little more enjoyable by not having to flip through 400 songs on my little Mp3 player trying to find a decent, non-depressingly slow, song to run to. I'm just trying to keep myself busy and I'm starting to really enjoy it. I just wish I had more money currently, it would make keeping myself busy a lot easier.

Katie and Doug move in on Wed. down the street. I'm pretty excited. Katie will be here tonight and tomorrow night as she starts her new job down here tomorrow anyway. It'll be nice having my friends around again.

Lovely.

My Passion in Life...

so my trip has been wonderful so far. we're going to San Francisco tomorrow, which i'm actually more excited for than i originally presumed i would be. which is good i suppose. it'll be a lot of fun. we saw some cousins today, it was wonderful, i haven't seen them in probably 5-6 years. that was awesome! we just went to see Mamma Mia in theater. Now, I went to see it about 7 years ago as a play in San Francisco with my dad and a friend. It was AMAZING! I fell in love with the play automatically, and ABBA songs for that matter. I knew right then and there that I had to be in that play someday, it completely took hold of me. Seeing it tonight as a movie did the exact same thing for me. I'm going to be randomly bursting into Abba songs for the next two weeks and loving it! I can only hope that some theatre in Minnesota will be doing it within the next year so I can audition. It would be the most amazing experience of my life! Anyway, until next time... Mamma Mia, here i go again, my my, how can I resist you?? ;)

The Conclusion of Girls Night, and the Beginning of Cali...

So, to finish off where my last post
started... the Girls Night was AMAZING. i got a little tipsy on some crazy great Applebee's drinks and we all kind of got on the waiters nerves because we had sooo many questions about the food and drinks. we went back home to my place after a long time of deciding and eating there and just hung out for the majority of the night. made a late night cub run for some sweets and munchies, then just stayed up gossiping and playing games, OH! We died Katie's hair red... like, red red, it's awesome. :) I even convinced Katie and Doug to move in together down here so she's getting out of Pine County and they're moving in right by my work... which also happens to be right by my apartment! That's probably the best news of all. I'll be able to see them whenever I want and that above all will be wonderful. .....*my sister is digging through my wallet currently and it's driving me crazy. she looked @ my id, "why would you want to be a donor?", "why do you have this card?" blahblah......* anyway. i'm very excited for all of that.



Onto more current news. I'm in Cali this week for vacation. I'm visiting my dad, some family, supposed to be visiting my friends but not one of them has responded to my attempts to contact them about getting together. Fine, whatever, I can deal with it. I brought my little sister along, I figured it'd be nice for her to get out of MN for awhile, have some fun, spend some time with her big sister, and do something for one of the last weeks of her summer. Good times. We've been here since midnight Saturday night and we haven't fought once. This is the longest we've ever gone without wanting to kill each other. I'm quite impressed actually. We went to an A's game yesterday (I love the A's. Their my home team and always will be. No matter how long I'm in MN. Chavez, #3, 3rd Basemen, is my favorite.... Love Him!) :) Anyway. They got killed by the White Sox, 13-1. It was pretty bad. But hey, at the end of the game when they got that one run, it was pretty exciting for all of us. haha. We had a crazy funny guy sitting next to us too, so that was pretty entertaining. I got a pretty deep sunburn on my right shoulder, arm, neck, face, and yes... my entire left ear. I look a little funny right now, but I'm hoping with all the time I'll be in the sun this week I'll eventually even out on the left side. It hurts, but it looks like it will turn into a very nice tan quickly. That's exciting. :) Today we're going to go shopping. Walk down to the Broadway Plaza and then my dad will meet us and take us to Kohls and then Sunvalley Mall. That should be fun. Then tomorrow we're going to go to San Francisco to Pier 39 and go to the little shops, through the Aquarium of the Bay, possibly go out on the fairy-not quite sure about that yet. But yeah, that should be tremendously fun. Especially for Elizabeth (that's my sister). Thursday we're visiting with some cousins. And thank goodness for Elizabeth, she brought two swim suits so I got to go swimming with her yesterday. yey! hopefully we'll do that again while we're here. good times. Well, I should probably get going. Lots to do today... lol.

Girls Night-Summer 2008

So tonight is girls night and I am freaking STOKED to see my ladies! It's going to be so much fun! I miss these girls all year round and then 3-6 times a year we get together and have an amazing night or weekend and tonight is one of those nights! I just got done working out and now I'm on my way into the shower. Kt & Doug (who doesn't count as a boy for girls night, so there), are going to be here around 130, and then Kristina will be here around 5. The apartment is still full of boxes (empty and full) but I don't care because they'll love me anyway and I just can't think about boxes when I have my wonderful sisters coming over! It'll be amazing, I'll gush about it later, I'm going to hop in the shower so I don't make them run home because of my sweat smell. Haha. Fun times... :)